Time to rip on Rodney Atkins

Free-with-purchase of his pre-release Call of Duty video game order, Rodney Atkins sports a swanky crewneck “Black Ops” tee during his performance on Northern’s campus.

The word “T-shirt” is derived  from the shape of the short sleeved top which, when laid on a flat surface, sort of resembles the outline of the uppercase, 20^th letter of the alphabet; the very letter which is in 35 out of 46 of Atkins’ song titles, and in 100 percent of his album names.

When feeling rather melancholy about his deep connection with “T”, Atkins may drink a cup of (T)ea, while wearing a V-neck-(T) of ambiguous origin and remind himself that his home state is (T)ennessee.

The only real souvenier that fans walked away with was the $18 ticket that had already been ripped in half at the door. 

So Atkins must have been anticipating a small turn-out when conceptualizing his on-stage attire.  Just three attendees would have fully paid not only for the top half of his outfit, but obvious gaming addiction as well. Mingling work and play transitions easily when no wardrobe change is required for comfort's sake. A fine polyester blend, that shirt must be.  

Perhaps he was trying to achieve a relatable atmosphere before the small-town, northern crowd. Sure, he’s cut four albums inspired by every-day family dilemma, riddling the songs with unpredictable non-rhymes like,

“I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you
And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you…

…are.”

but clearly Atkins is the personification of his crude lyrical poetry. Like rappers, or Madonna.

Perhaps he and Kanye hang out and brainstorm more basic daily routines to sing about, like...

"This that red cup, all on the lawn shit,
Got a fresh cut, strait out the salon...
...bitch"

But Atkins is a man truly in favor of the simpler things. He doesn't like to bog his audience down with heavy topics. Album names like “Honesty” and “Take a Back Road”, with tracks such as “Honesty” and “Take a Back Road” take me back to the time I honestly took a back road.

Atkins frequently tops his head with a ball cap, like anyone else in the world burdened with a balding head or blessed with small enough ears.

In fact, during an in-depth Google Image search, I was only capable of finding a handful of photos sans billed, mesh hat. Being both over, and underwhelmed by this discovery, I simultaneously pondered the gender of Atkin’s androgynous lead guitarist. Like Sandy in “Grease”, he also has to be sewn into his pants off set.

Unfortunately I now have to live with the knowledge that Atkins and I share the same day of birth. But for clarity and posterity, my favorite letter is A, tea is for pussies, I’m from Michigan and my video game knowledge only extends as far as Pokémon Snap for N64. Which isn’t every alliterative, but neither is he.